SuperSweetLife

I have been in hell for the last two years. It’s called graduate school. After taking two years off after earning a B.A., I started to get bored. Feeling like I needed to make some more money (#1 worst reason for making any decision), I decided to go back to school thinking it would just be an extension of my undergraduate experience. Naive much? I am psyched to be through with it in just a few short weeks, but I want to share why I feel that it wasn’t well suited for me. Here is why:

1. I lost my freedom

After a while, all of my conversations were starting with, “When I am done with grad school, I will do this/I will start this new project/I will travel to that place…” Basically everything had to be put on hold for two whole years. I was NOT down with that.

2. I didn’t have any time for friends, boyfriend, or family

I was lucky to be able to develop some bonds with a few other people in my program. We became good friends and I look forward to having more time to spend with them once this hell hole is over. However, a lot of my other friends just did not understand the stress of what I was going through. Naturally, there was some distance between us, not to mention the fact that I had no free time to spend with them, since many weekends were devoted to paper writing, or “papes” as I like to refer to it.

Time with my boyfriend was pretty pathetic too. We live together, but with our crazy schedules, there were times when I didn’t see him for days. Even when I did, my mind was consumed with all the papes and projects that I needed to finish. It was hard to be fully present in any of my relationships.

And visiting with my family on the opposite side of the country was a pitiful… I was lucky if I saw them five days out of the year…

3. I had negative dollars in my bank account

Oh my god, don’t even get me started on this one. A word of advice to anyone thinking of going back to school: Do not borrow money from the government for your living expenses. I repeat- Do not borrow money from the government for your living expenses!! I was dumb enough to quit my full time, awesome kick ass job to return to school and live on student loans. That was probably the worst mistake of my life. I was broke all the time. I cried on many occasions out of sheer frustration. There were several times when I couldn’t even pay my rent. Then of course, not having any money forced me to stay at home when most of my friends were out enjoying themselves, which led me to feel even more isolated in my little grad school bubble..

4. It sucked the life out of me

One of the things I hated most about grad school is that it made me feel really old and way too responsible, neither of which I was ready for when I started the program at 24 and still am not ready for at 26. There were many nights when I came home from long fourteen hour days just collapsing from exhaustion at 9pm. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

5. It’s a way bigger commitment than I realized

As I said, I returned to school thinking it would just be like another two years of undergraduate. People warned me, but I didn’t believe them. I had no idea what I was in for.

I have never been a hard-working student. I’ve always gotten decent grades, but I am definitely not one to go above and beyond what is expected of me, at least in the academic department. I guess you could say I do a lot of things half-ass. I learned pretty quickly that I would be forced to use my whole ass and then some in my program. Given the smaller classes and more personalized approach from the professors (a far cry from the huge, impersonal lecture halls I had once known), it was nearly impossible to be a slacker.

I am still recovering..

6. I was never fully present

Being a grad student turned me into a constant worrier. Even when I wasn’t at school or doing work for it, I was thinking about it. Thoughts of papes and presentations danced through my head as I dreamt at night. Even when I did finally get time to spend with friends, I was consumed with thoughts about what assignments I needed to get done that upcoming week. It was often hard for me to enjoy myself, as I constantly dreaded the endless amount of school work that was before me.

7. I had to work for free

Most graduate programs require you to do an internship. I had two different internship sites at schools, totaling three days per week that I was working for free. I had a MAJOR problem with this. I hate to work even when I am getting paid. The fact that I had to commute an hour each day to work my ass off for nothing really, really bothered me. I know it was all just for gaining experience in the field and building connections, but I ended up resenting being an intern because it took away from time where I could actually be making money. Sure, it gave me some valuable experience, but it also made me broke as hell. I ended up having to devote more time outside of my already insane school schedule to work for actual money, which made me even more tired, frustrated, and resentful.

I have to say, that felt really good to bitch about. Don’t get me wrong though, graduate school is a great option for those that really know what they want to do and are ready to do it. I just didn’t.

If this list helps just one person out there who is on the fence about returning to school, then I have done my job.

Anyone have anything to add?